Going Under
by acegikmoqsuwy
Summary: Im going under, falling forever, all because of you, but maybe, maybe someday i will be saved. Not Romance. GD


Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the story but the plot. The lyrics of the song Going Under belong to Evanesce and the characters to J. K. Rowling. Please don't sue me.  
  
Warning: This is not a romance fic. Read at your own risk.  
  
Going Under  
  
Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
  
Things always get better, that's what some say, guess it works for some too. You took control over me, yet I didn't possess any over you; always the pleasing little Ginny, who didn't hurt anyone, anyone but herself. I went against my whole family and beliefs of what a normal life should be, well, as normal as a life with a Malfoy can get.  
  
50 thousand tears I've cried  
  
It started well, I wasn't sad or happy, happiness ended the moment you came into my life. You gradually started crushing my spirit, but I didn't realize it when I should have, you limiting my liberties, for instance, I thought it was normal behavior, you just felt possessive over me, I even thought it was your way of showing affection, how wrong I was, I forgot Malfoys don't show affection, especially not you.  
  
screaming deceiving and bleeding for you  
  
and you still won't hear me  
  
My opinion did not matter, of course, you were used to think about yourself first, second and last, I don't blame you, really, you were raised on it. But I still tried to change it, my stubborn self couldn't comprehend that sometimes people take pleasure on breaking others. But you always knew when to stop; you never went too far, always gaining control over me without losing control of yourself. I was very confused, which led me to producing more harm on myself, tying desperately to understand why you enjoyed doing it to me. But our minds work in very different ways, and while I may have been almost like you sometimes, there was always the spirit of the person I once was, fighting to overcome the icy façade I had enclosed it in, but my now empty person what all that was saving me from you.  
  
don't want your hand this time I'll save myself  
  
maybe I'll wake up for once  
  
not tormented daily defeated by you  
  
Now I'm trying to stop everything, no more damsel in distress to be saved by anyone. For I have learned that hope is a very strong and fragile emotion, it can drive you to do extraordinary things, but it can be lost as easily as a you can blow out a candle. I'm trying to escape you, your harsh words, your bruising kisses and your raging temper. I know I can do it; after all it was I who created these tormenting surroundings for myself.  
  
just when I thought I'd reached the bottom  
  
I'm dying again  
  
But it is obviously not that easy to abscond everything I have left. I was so sure I could do it, until I saw your eyes and understood that for you to give up on me without breaking my spirit completely would be impossible.  
  
I'm going under  
  
drowning in you  
  
So once again I give in, submitting to your will since I'm not capable of saving myself. I half listen to your questions, your attempt to discover what I was thinking about, I deduce from this that my emotions were once again showing. This will not have good consequences.  
  
I'm falling forever  
  
I've got to break through  
  
I'm going under  
  
Yes, it definitely didn't have good consequences, as I can experience the pain you are now causing me. A metallic taste reaches my mouth, it must be blood, probably my lip, you waste no time and start kissing me, the crimson liquid always aroused you, my lip must now be notably swollen, but you don't care about that, you just wait eagerly for my response, that was something I never understood about you, capable of doing the most detestable things, but you never forced me, well, technically, of course, it is either that or something eminently worse.  
  
blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
  
so I don't know what's real and what's not  
  
always confusing the thoughts in my head  
  
so I can't trust myself anymore  
  
I always justified your actions with some acceptable excuse. You never apologized of course; I did that enough for both of us. You words would confuse my once unadulterated mind, your lies worked exceptionally well, for they drove me to the point where I couldn't rely on myself anymore.  
  
I'm dying again  
  
Ill fix this, if no one can save me then ill lose myself for eternity, finally finishing what I have thought about countless times before. But I wont leave defeated, oh no, I will part with all the strength that I have left.  
  
I'm going under  
  
drowning in you  
  
I'm falling forever  
  
I've got to break through  
  
You wanted to demolish my spirit. Not yet. Give me one chance to prove that I'm worthy of it.  
  
so go on and scream  
  
scream at me I'm so far away  
  
I can see your face, becoming pale in anger and contempt, but I'm so far away from here that you don't affect me, and never again will your despicable lies influence me.  
  
I won't be broken again  
  
I won't be broken again. Ever. No one could save me, so I saved myself the only possible way. You must know that now, my limp and lifeless body tells the story of a person who freed herself, my story.  
  
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under  
  
Things always get better, that's what some say, I guess it only works if you make them change. But you never paid much attention to what other people say, did you Malfoy?  
  
~~~Please Review~~~ 


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